How to Put Your Heart into Sex

Ocean County Observer

July 16, 1984

 

There are lots of how to and when to books written about the various phases of human life; the most various phase, seemingly sex.  Now a book about how to deal with a heart attack, entitled “The Sensuous Heart” By Suzanne Cambre R.N. Pritchett and Hall Associates Inc. Atlanta 1978)

 

It contains chapters such as “Your body during sex”; “Four Phases of the Sexual Act”; “Frequency of Sex”; “Position”; and “Atmosphere”.

 

The fact that Ms. Cambre is a registered nurse lends credibility to the tome. She certainly might be a practical nurse because her discussion about sex and the damaged heart was practical; and she could be a practicing nurse in order to have practiced what she preached.

 

I haven’t had a chance to read the book but a glance at the chapter headings suggested a refreshing candor. The book appears to be instructive and even people who have never had a heart attack might be introduced to sex in a manner they had never deemed possible.

 

The fact is that most people who have heart attacks are over 50, and many may have decided to lay sex aside for the duration, a conviction only to be reinforced by the heart attack. Then along comes Ms. Cambre to convince them that all is not lost.

 

For example, and this shouldn’t be considered a put down, women whose best years start when their husbands are put on some anti-hypertensive medication that induces impotence.  And there are some men whose best years start for the same reason.

 

I am not knocking sex, but neither do I want to glorify heart attacks.

 

Not able to identify with either males or females who have had heart attacks I decided to call  my friends Mr. And Mrs. Cor Pulmonale who suffered simultaneous heart attacks when the price of cigarettes rose beyond their reach.

 

“Sex?” She exclaimed,  “I haven’t given it much thought. But I would sure like to smoke again”.

 

“But,” I explained, “Smoking might be suicidal.”

 

“Can you think of a better way to die,” she asked.

 

I thought I could but I didn’t want to burst any bubbles.

 

Mr. Pulmonale was equally candid. “They told me I couldn’t smoke anymore,” he wailed.

 

“But what about sex?” I asked.

 

“I wouldn’t know, never smoked that brand.”

 

“I mean marital relations,” I chose my words carefully.

 

“She don’t have a relations, even by marriage. No, come to think of it she has a cousin in Europe.”

 

”Did you ever hear of making love?” I asked in exasperation.

 

“Sure they do it in the movies all the time, but I don’t go any more since they don’t allow smoking.:”

 

I didn’t want to belabor the point further with the Cor Pulmonales. But they did remind me of the fact that I never saw a young man with a heart attack who wasn’t a two pack a day smoker.

 

Now sex is a very interesting subject. Everything about sex has been discussed and described so that there is little left to the imagination. But I think Ms. Cambre might have gotten more mileage  from a book about smoking after a heart attack. She could have used practically the same chapter headings, “Your body during smoking”; “Four Phases of the smoking act”; (inhaling and exhaling are two); “Frequency of Smoking”; (You can’t chain smoke. Can you chain smoke?), and lastly but not least, “Position. Most people like to smoke on their backs because otherwise you burn the pillow.

 

Anyway Ms. Cambre, go to it. Everything You Wanted to Know About Smoking After a Heart Attack. Virgin territory for an experienced R.N. Your book on sex was an eye opener. You should be able to write a good book about cigarettes after an infarct. I hope you know how to smoke as well as you know how to – write.