Congress Has A Fling While Medicare Questions

Daily Observer

June 14, 1976

I have always, until recent times, been puzzled about the tremendous energy that Medicare functionaries exert trying to control costs. When a patient at our small hospital is transferred to a larger institution, we, as physicians, are asked to justify the reasons for transfer.

Medicare would refuse to pay the ambulance costs unless we could answer , in writing, the reason that the patient had to be transferred. As if we were playing some grotesque game and transferring patients willy-nilly to other institutions just to make trouble for Washington and to spend their monies needlessly.

The public should be aware of how carefully their tax monies are guarded. A patient with a brain tumor, transferred to an institution where brain surgery is performed, must justify the transfer in order to be reimbursed for the ride. The implication was staggering. Were we, as physicians, in collusion with patients to shuttle them around from institution to institution just to defraud the government of its well-earned revenues?

I specifically asked Medicare about this. “Do you,” I asked “believe that we are doing this out of caprice? Do you really believe that we transfer well patients just for the ride? Do doctors have nothing better to do than spend time arranging unnecessary transfers?”

Medicare answered somberly. “We are just checking up because we have the responsibility for verifying now you doctors are spending our money. After, all if the government spends too much on health needlessly, there won’t be enough for other costs that the government is committed to apply to needy causes other than health.”

Of course, one of those needy causes was to pay the salaries of the people who were asking the stupid questions in the first place. And then there was welfare, foreign aid, defense, and a host of other considerations. Now another dimension has been added to government expenditures.

It turns out, according to newspaper reports, that the government is also sharing expenses for the well-being of our congressmen. Wasn’t it Wilber Mills who danced in a fountain with Fanny. Was that on an expense account?

I couldn’t believe that. And I was willing to make allowances. After, all, boys will be boys. But here was the case of Adam Clayton Powell, who junketed at government expense to foreign ports of call such as Paris and London with his salaried secretary.

But that was before Medicare, so I had not given it much thought, and anyway, the Congress rose up in righteous indignation, led by Rep. Wayne Hays and forced the resignation of the late reverend.

Now, after sweating blood to secure money for the legitimate transfer of patients in need of sophisticated levels of care, I read in the papers that the very same Wayne Hays has been using the funds that Medicare was asking me to save, to support his mistress in a style my patients were apparently not entitled.

Now I know where the money was going – to a boudoir in Virginia. No doubt the Congressman needed this liaison to maintain his mental health so he could better administer our laws and lead his committees. I really don’t begrudge Hays his little foray. It probably smoothed his rough edges.

All I ask in return is quid pro quo. Let me have the ambulance for my patient. Surely there must be enough money for the both of us. One brain tumor is worth at least one weekend with a mistress.

It sure raises questions. Why should I skimp on my patient, congressman, if you are not willing to skimp on your sojourns to Virginia? Are you the only one padding the payroll to assuage on exercised libido? Was the party of Chappaquidick government subsidized?

Look fellas, I don’t want to be a party pooper. Have your fun, even if it costs me a little in taxes. Enjoy, enjoy, but don’t squeeze the play money out of Medicare. There must be other places you can find it.

Bedpersons make strange politicians, and, of course, the reverse is true.