But It Worked!
Daily Observer
S.Q.
Lapius tore the sheet from the typewriter and handed it to me. “Here Harry, a patient interview.” Lapius would do this on occasion, reconstruct
encounters he had had during the day that he thought might prove of subsequent
interest. I started reading.
“May
I help you?”
“That’s
why I’m here.”
“What
seems to be the trouble?”
“I
have a pain in my chest. It radiates to
my back.”
“You
seem very nervous.”
“Of
course I’m nervous. I don’t like
doctors.”
“How
long have you been nervous?”
“All
my life.”
“I
guess you were delivered by a doctor.”
“I
guess so.”
“You
are fidgeting a lot. Do you always do
that?”
“Only
since my divorce.”
“How
long have you been divorced?”
“Three
years.”
“Did
you get divorced because you were so nervous?
I mean did that contribute to the discord in your home?”
“Possibly. Could we hurry up? My husband is waiting for me.”
“The
husband you just divorced?”
“No,
my new husband.”
“Well,
of course we can.”
“My
other doctor said the pain was due to pleurisy.”
“I
am inclined to think that this pain is due to a muscle spasm.”
“My
other doctor had me in the hospital for three weeks for pleurisy.”
“Possibly
you had pleurisy then.”
“Why
would he hospitalize me for muscle spasm.”
“I
didn’t say he hospitalized you for muscle spasm. I said that the present pain seems to be a
muscle spasm.”
“But
it feels like the same pain.”
“What
would you like me to do?”
“Treat
the pain.”
“I
will treat you for muscle spasm.”
“Why
don’t you just give me the same pills my other doctor gave me?”
“What
were they?”
“Nerve
pills.”
“He
gave you nerve pills for pleurisy?”
“No. But they worked. I think that you ought to treat me the way he
treated me. It worked.”
“Why
don’t you go back to your other doctor?
He seems to know the case.”
“He
is too far away. We moved.”
“I
will be glad to renew the prescription you have.”
“Okay. But why do you disagree with my doctor? He was one of the biggest doctors in town.”
“How
tall was he?”
“About
5’10”.”
“I
am a bigger doctor than he. I measure
over six feet tall.”
“I
mean he was very smart. Why would he say
I have pleurisy if I have a muscle spasm?”
“I
don’t know why he said that. Would you
like me to treat you?”
“For
what?”
“For
the pain in your chest.”
“Okay. But I want to be treated for pleurisy, not
for muscle spasm.”
“Well,
suppose for a day or so I just treat you with his tranquilizers? Then we will see how you feel.”
“But
he didn’t give me tranquilizers. He gave
me nerve pills.”
“Well,
nerve pills is another name for tranquilizers.”
“But
I don’t need tranquilizers. I have pain
in my chest.”
“I’ll
be glad to try to help you but I really don’t know where to begin.”
“How
is it that you doctors all disagree on the same things all the time? Why can’t I get the same answers for my
pain? Why do you doctors all tell me
something different?”
“I
don’t know why doctors say one thing or another to you, my dear. Incidentally, do you have a sample of the
nerve pills your doctor gave you?”
“Sure
I have. Right here in my purse.”
“Might
I see one of them?”
“Sure,
here. Hey, what are you doing? They are my nerve pills. You just popped two of them into your mouth.”
“Yes
I did, didn’t I?”