A Preventative Stitch in Time
Daily Observer
S.Q.
Lapius had been fidgeting at his work bench for most
of the evening. His work kept him from
soliloquizing, and I took advantage of the quiet moments to try to assimilate the
latest on the endless skein of events that transpire during the immunological
response. But it didn’t last long. With a final grunt of victory Lapius turned from his work and held up a small velvet
board. “What do you think of this,
Harry?”
Affixed
to the board were five small balloon things in exotic colors. “Lovely,” I said. “A present for your
granddaughter?”
“I
haven’t got a granddaughter, Harry. And
if my son-in-law uses these properly, I may never have one.”
I
looked closely. “You don’t mean---?”
Lapius was triumphant.
“I certainly do. These are
condoms.”
“In color?”
“Yes. Smuggled in from
“Why
smuggled? You mean imported, of course.”
“No. I mean smuggled. We in
“Most
assuredly they are. Do you think color
is a selling point for that product?”
“It
is in
“What
are you going to do with that display?
Hang it on the wall? Wouldn’t you
rather have a Picasso or a Matisse?”
“I’m
going to show these to my patients. To
the young girls that come in asking for the ‘pill’ or
for an intrauterine device.”
“The
girls can’t use them.”
“No,
that’s true. But I am going to try to talk
them into having their consorts use them.”
“Do
you think you will succeed?” I asked
dubiously.
“Of
course I will succeed. Because I will combine this display with the pictures of venereal
disease that I have collected.
You know, those not very pretty pictures of
sores and ulcers.”
Indeed
I know them well. “With those pictures
you might scare them away from sex altogether.”
“I
doubt it. But I might convince them that
the condom serves a double purpose. It
protects against pregnancy and against disease.
It is unquestionably the best device conceived to prevent conceiving.”
‘That’s
not what I heard.”
Lapius chuckled. “Of
course I had forgotten. Your generation
has had no experience with these devices.”
“Well---.”
“Don’t
apologize Harry.
We are all products of our own age.
But let me fill you in on a few details.
It is true that the condom diminishes somewhat the tactile pleasures one
might anticipate during sexual contact, but even that drawback has been
overcome to a large extent by the sheer of the material used, lubricants,
etc. Condoms have never recovered from
the observation of Mme. De Sevigne, who claimed that the condom is ‘armor
against pleasure and gossamer against infection’. But of course she said that in the 17th
century. Technology has improved since
then. Actually now the aphorism can be
reversed. The device is gossamer for
pleasure and armor against infection.”
“Can’t
there be an accident?”
“Of
course there can. But they are tailored
better now to prevent slippage. And as
for effectiveness, there is a quote in the magazine Human Sexuality (July 1973)
of a most impressive statistic by Dr. Christopher Tietze,
who said that ‘a group of normally fecund couples, copulating 120 times per
year and carefully using a good grade of condom on every occasion, would
experience an accidental pregnancy rate of 3 per 100 years of exposure.”
“You
can’t beat that.”
“No. The ‘pill’ doesn’t beat that, nor does the
intrauterine device. Besides, look at
the medical risk incurred by women who use birth control pills. They suffer a ten-fold increase in the risk
of a blood clot in a vital organ compared to the normal population, generalized
endocrine alterations, possibly psychological changes, an insult to the tissues
of womb and cervix. And women wearing
the intrauterine device run the risk of low grade infection. I must say I don’t know why women put up with
these contraptions. Why they risk the
mutilation of their bodies when a condom would do the same job safely. And don’t forget the additional factor of
infection. Use of the condom would
certainly halt the spread of the epidemic of venereal disease in this
country. It certainly is a paradox that
the women’s lib movement, who fights against having the male use them as sexual
objects and who demand equality in sexual matters are willing to run these high
risks to become sexual objects. Real
equality would be achieved if they persuaded their escorts to use a rubber.”
“You’re
old fashioned, Simon,” I said.
“Old
fashioned? Old fashioned, you say? That reminds me, Harry. Would you like a drink?”
“No
thanks – make me a Martini.”